(Restless in my head)
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
auntpol's LiveJournal:
[ << Previous 20 ]
| Friday, February 5th, 2010 | | 11:06 pm |
| | Thursday, February 4th, 2010 | | 8:56 pm |
my bedroom
So eljay, I haven't written here in a while. But I feel more moved to write differently these days - not just documenting things I've done or thoughts I've had but feelings and vague notions. Last night I was driving home from doing some UniSFA book entering and I was thinking about something, and then realised I didn't know what I was thinking about. I dug a bit deeper and realised I was thinking about knitting something which I am not knitting, and I don't have yarn which I imagined either. It's like one of those dreams where you buy a dress and wake up and think "Wow, I'm excited about wearing that dress!" but it doesn't exist. The moment when you realise that you've been imagining is both disappointing and exciting. Anyway, I feel moved to write about my bedroom. As we were growing up, we weren't really allowed to have stuff in the rest of the house. All our stuff had to be in our rooms. And even now that we have a whole house, space which can we ours and not not ours, I still feel most comfortable in my bedroom. It feels like it is a place which is full of me, where I build myself every day by putting two feet on the ground, and then shifting my bones to rise up from that foundation. It's a place which is unsure when I am unsure. When I am scatterbrained my clothes are on the floor, not on hangers, the desk is a collection of my bathers and letters I have to forward and last night's jumper and pens and pencils and knitting needles and notes. The wardrobe doors never want to stay shut (the air pressure seems to never balance quite right) so they are always ajar. Maybe I'm openminded. Maybe I'm just too lazy to disagree. There are suggestions of who I want to be. My bedspread is one of those fake indian-inspired ones in jewel tones. I have a lovely wooden jewelery box Corrin brought me back from Africa, but there is just random crap in it, disappointingly, things I can't find places for and don't bother to organise. My sheets are messed up from sleep last night, they are bright yellow. I like them best crumpled and unmade, it seems somehow decadent and youthful. But it's all just vague efforts towards things, things which people can pick up and hold and comment on, but on a whole it's just a bedroom, with the cheapest, most boring Ikea desk, a laminate bookshelf with a shawl thrown over the top to make it look better and more stylish. Who does it fool really, though. ((I feel like I never do anything properly, it's all just post hoc patching up.)) | | Thursday, January 28th, 2010 | | 1:04 am |
Australia Day '10
 A good time was had by all. More on my Flickr Holga set as per usual. I just wanted to finish this roll because the back fell off my camera 10 shots in and ruined half the film. I almost cried. SRSLY. | | Monday, January 25th, 2010 | | 12:06 am |
| | Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 | | 10:07 am |
| | Tuesday, January 12th, 2010 | | 5:49 pm |
| | Sunday, November 15th, 2009 | | 10:17 am |
"If you want to try you should try like a loser"
So, it seems I've sort of finished uni (if I wanted to be finished). Well, honours isn't really like the rest of undergrad study, so it's like I've at least finished a chapter. I also finished Middlemarch. I LOVED it so much. Even though I read it for over six months, I was really gripped by it, and enjoyed all the characters (and even liked a few of them). Apparently a movie about it is coming out next year, which is exciting. But I don't think you can charitably condense 800+ pages into a movie. Anyway, I have picked up Virginia Woolf's "Orlando", but was finding it hard to get into. I realised that this was nothing to do with Orlando, but everything to do with Middlemarch: I'd been so used to reading Middlemarch that I just couldn't change gears to Orlando that quickly. I also was kind of missing reading Middlemarch (even though I was so excited about getting to the end of it). In a way, this is how I feel about finishing my pass degree coursework. I know that I'm glad it's over, and I loved every minute (actually, I'm REALLY glad it's over, I was getting quite over it) but it's difficult to believe that I won't be doing it again next semester. I guess that's what I get for spending 5 years doing my degree(s) - a whole lot of nostalgia. Current Music: No more shall we part - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds | | Monday, November 2nd, 2009 | | 9:21 pm |
"Control your bad side into battle"
Last night Corrin, Kane, Paige and I went to see Gomez at the Fly By Night Musicians Club. It was...breathtaking. Gomez are a band that have a lot of intricate detail in their recorded work. Having seen a pretty dismal interpretation of intricate albums by Augie March earlier this year, I was a little concerned about going to see Gomez. What if they stuffed it up and made it sound all mushy and horrible? I should never have feared. I don't think I have seen a band that tight ...ever, really. They didn't have set lists. They had a holy fuck-ton of gear: heaps of guitars, a hell of a drum kit, 3 or four keyboard synths, a macbook pro and a powerbook, and assorted shakers, maracas, and iPhones (yes, they used iPhone apps as an instrument + the noise the metal casing makes on the microphone. Geeky band love). They were the epitome of a well oiled machine, creating lovely dynamic juxtaposition between almost a cappella singing then all out band rocking. I don't think I had appreciated two things about Gomez until this gig: 1. the drummer has lovely delicate touches. Nice little double and triple kicks that just sneak their way in, lovely balanced fills, just appropriate and gorgeous. 2. Ben Ottewell can PLAY GUITAR seriously dude. His solos just gave an awesome climax to many of the songs, which I didn't precedent. They played a good range of things right through from "Whippin' Piccadilly" (which went OFF) to their new stuff and everything in between (with a strange focus of stuff from "In Our Gun" which has been my least favourite of theirs lately). There were some hilarious moments like Ottwell having fun with the "come back!"s in "Rough Stuff". It was clear from the outset that this was going to be an incredibly tight gig, when they started with "Shot Shot" which was so much crisper than the album version it almost blew everyone's mind. Just lovely crisp starts to the chorus pattern, and crisp finishing and oh my god it was amazing. It's also nice to see how they share vocal duties (which is, very evenly). It's cute how they all have very defined personalities: all Ian Ball's guitars were covered in cutesy stickers (one of which stated "ALL GIRL") and when he was sans guitar he pulled the sleeves of his cardigan over his hands like a scared primary schooler. Tom Gray is the most "indie" with coke-bottle glasses and a bit of a larrikin personality. It's hard to gauge the bassist and drummer, because they just don't ...stand up the front. But the bass player had his eyes closed almost all gig (maybe he was just trying to stay in a tight groove?) and I think the drummer was TOO BUSY BEING AWESOME to give a personality. Overall, I think it's the best gig I've been to all year. And that's kind of saying something, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) flyingmopsy reckons we've been to about 10 this year. | | Sunday, November 1st, 2009 | | 5:17 pm |
"I'm taking my time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday"
I'm such a creature of habit. I've had INCREDIBLE trouble studying lately. More than ever. But I put on the Beatles today (as a result of playing a bit of Beatles Rock Band last night) and suddenly I'm there, in the zone, writing good notes. I blame it on listening to Abbey Road on vinyl when I was studying at a high schooler, because it was one of only 2 records I had and the only time when I got the house to myself. I should really re-condition myself to have more...standard...study habits sometime. It would be useful. | | Friday, October 30th, 2009 | | 8:16 pm |
Bought new flaming lips today. Let's see how it goes. They also had Christmas on Mars at JBs. If I screened this, would people watch it? | | Sunday, October 25th, 2009 | | 1:24 pm |
"she was born with the diversions in her head"
So I'm meant to be writing an essay due tomorrow but it's just not grabbing me at all. In fact it's not even making an attempt at grabbing me, but I think that I will end up just forcing my way through it this afternoon. On Friday we received the really shocking news that our boss at work passed away. Even though the contact I had with the guy was at best described as minimal, he was the kind of person who was a real figure. Also, he always smiled at me even when I was walking in late for work and seemed to genuinely like people. The last time I saw him was when I was on the way in to work (at 10.01 when my shift started at 10) on Tuesday, and he was on the way to get coffee, and he very sincerely said hello and smiled. In fact, his reputation and demeanor just gave the impression of being entirely genuine. I like that kind of person, and there are so few of them around, it seems such a pity to lose one unexpectedly. He was also a guy who had a clue and made some of my dearest friends very happy by being someone who was in management but hadn't become Management, the kind which ignores what should really happen just because of red tape and procedure. If there was a thing to get done, he was a dude who would do it. I feel really sorry for his kids. I didn't cope well (I'm still not coping well...) with losing my father at the age of 20. I guess when you're under 10 it might be easier in some ways, and it might be harder in others. All that I know is that it's bullshit when people say that you'll get over it, and it goes away. It never does. The best way I've seen it described was in the Virginia Woolf novel "To the Lighthouse" where they cut a square piece out of a fish's flesh and release the fish back into the ocean. That's the only way I can describe it to anyone: that you're forever this fish that will swim and live and continue on, but you have this unnaturally geometric part cut out of you. It's not organic like the withering away of an atrophied limb. It's not traumatic in the way which ripping your arm off could be. It's perfectly cold and square, a part of you which you are constantly surprised to remember doesn't exist. I hope that his children can learn to live with who they have to be now, and not become as jaded as I have with ambition and achievement and all the things I used to care about. I hope they don't forget to remember. Even when it hurts way too much. Current Mood:  sad | | 1:16 pm |
| | Sunday, September 6th, 2009 | | 11:20 am |
"slipped through the hole in the roof"
So, in the past two weeks I've seen TWO rubbish bins on fire. Two. Previously I had seen none. There is something really nice about the smell of burning like that (as opposed to the burning of cigarettes or something); it smells all sweet and nice. Also it seemed atmospheric or significant. Maybe there is a secret group burning rubbish bins as a signal to meet or something. Anyway, I have been meaning to eljay about at least two things: the Augie March gig a few weeks ago, and the new Paul Dempsey album. Let's make a start with the Augie Gig. I have been looking forward to going to see Augie March for a long time. I've become really enamored with all of their albums lately, especially the delicate touches and the gentle lyrics. Their albums are atmospheric and gentle and lulling, and in tracks like "Clockwork" this works to serve a nice juxtaposition with something driving and desperate. What came through in their gigs is that they may be competent musicians, but they are very tacitly a band. Whilst every member seemed more than capable (indeed, some were exceptionally talented like the drummer and the keys player) they had a hard time with the more important things which you have to consider when you are on stage. I've never really been in a band which played rock music, and the school bands I was in were a little shit. But I was a chorister in a good choir, and what separates the men from the boys there is a choir which sounds as a whole, and a choir which sounds like a bunch of people singing. Augie March played like a bunch of people playing, not as a band. It was supremely disappointing that they couldn't LISTEN to each other to make one sound. Instead, we got a wall of sound which was mushy with no dynamic in it. Of course, you could try to blame the sound guys at the Fly, but I think this is mistaken: I have been to some exquisitely balanced gigs there. I think what is really going on is that they didn't give them much to work with. Glenn admitted they had had a big night out drinking and I don't think that helped them (though the 1/2 of The Drones there seemed to be unaffected. They're probably just more hardcore :P). Also Glenn really suffers the same problem as Kane (my brother): he needs to sing INTO the mic. He has a delicate voice which he really needs to project in order to make it strong enough to get into the mix at ALL. The poor techs were faced with a very delicate voice with a trumpet and trombone right next to it, which resulted in some feedback squeals as they tried to give him enough level to be heard. Although the band lacked stage presence generally, the drummer tried his darndest to rectify this. Seriously, he was like an incarnation of Paul Hester. He had larrikin humour (at one point joking that Tm Rogers has flares on even when he takes his pants off) and a brush technique freakishly similar to Paul's. I spoke to the keys player after, and he said that he had auditioned for Crowded House. I think he would have been knocked back just because he would have been painfully similar to Paul. On that note, it would be good if Glenn could take a bit of a note out of Neil Finn's book on stage presence. He didn't seem to know how to sing his songs: he just made the notes come out of his mouth, but there was no immersion of himself into it. He didn't seem to be giving his songs to the audience, which is (I feel) the best part of performing and the most important part. Especially given how emotive some Augie songs are, he really needs to think about what he needs to do when he is on stage, what he actually wants to achieve. To me, it is startling a band four albums in could be this...bad...on stage. I guess their albums thrive under the ear of a careful mixer who gives them the magic artistic vision. | | Monday, June 15th, 2009 | | 11:45 am |
"Average Angels"
So, I went to see Paul Dempsey last night at mojo's. Firstly, the guy supporting was the same guy who supported Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. He's still just as bad. Basically, he's trying to be Bob Dylan. But you could hear anyone of his calibre in any fifteen year old's bedroom (well, any fifteen year old who has a guitar. Actually, even if the fifteen year old doesn't have a guitar and is just wanking, it's probably more musical). Paul is, as usual, AMAZING. His new songs are much quieter than usual Something For Kate Stuff, but still contain the lyrical complexity and ...hrm, emotional depth. I can't remember many lyrics really, but the title of this post was one which stuck. His covers are well re-imagined. And he did play some sfk stuff (dear guy who kept yelling out song titles: he isn't a juke box, you know). "Say Something" went RIGHT OFF. And so did "Impossible". I love how he throws his head back and just lets his voice GO, like it takes possession of his huge frame. It never ceases to amaze me how tall he is as well, his fingers engulf the fretboard of the guitar (as a result he did a ROCKING version of that MGMT song which is really popular playing the riff and accompaniment effortlessly. It was rather amusing and fhe was amused after he finished it as well). He also makes his BG-808 look like a toy. (I would love to see him play a mini-maton, it would be funny as). I suppose what impresses me most about people like him is that when you go to see them play live you gain so much more from their music, because it feels like they are going through the emotions in them with you and giving you that little bit more. It helps that he has sad beautiful eyes which look at you (and actually INTO you which is a little scary to tell the truth, like he is summing you up as a person) and aren't jaded or performing (by performing I mean putting on a performance. You get the feeling he is actually who he is on stage, which is what I really enjoy (and why coldplay left me cold, I guess). Also, when he sings he looks a bit like a possessed muppet (his hair is also crazy). Also, he's humble. He said, at the end of the show "Thanks again for coming, I really mean it, I don't take any of this for granted". I like a performer who knows how to give and take, I guess. | | Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 | | 6:48 pm |
Signs it's exam time!
- Putting on makeup just for fun while you're in pyjamas - reading trashy magazines in the bathroom with your sister - listening to The Beatles - listening to vinyls - drinking far too much (tea,water,coffee) - drinking cup-a-soup - making odd lunches (e.g. today's was noodles, beetroot, beans and tuna. DELICIOUS and very typical.) What is your list? Current Music: I Want To Tell You - The Beatles | | 12:56 pm |
The same, but different
Now Paige ( gloaming_hour) and I live together*, we discover annoying ways in which we are similar and different. Example: We both like studying at the dinner table. But I don't mind ambient noise (I had my headphones on anyway) and she dislikes ambient noise (my breathing/typing/writing). So I've been banished to my bedroom (hers is to small to have a good size desk, so it's only fair that I move). It would be better if we were either more different, or more similar. (also, I think I should take some time off work during study break, because this is the first study I've been able to do so far ...) *It's been pointed out that we have lived together for most of our lives (Basically all of hers - 6 months and all of mine - (6 months + 2.5 years)), but living together away from parents is REALLY different. No one was allowed to study at the dinner table at home home. Current Mood:  grumpyCurrent Music: It's Natural To Be Afraid - Explosions in the Sky | | Thursday, May 14th, 2009 | | 7:12 pm |
Opinions needed!!
So, there's a Paul Dempsey concert on the same night that Corrin flies out to South Africa for 2 weeks. He's flying out at 11.30pm, so I really can't do both things. On one hand, if something bad happens to Corrin in South Africa I will be really annoyed that I didn't get to see him at the last very moment (This is really unlikely I know! just considering!) On the other hand, does it make a difference if I say goodbye a few hours before? I'd really like to see Paul Dempsey, and so would Paige!! I know this is really bad faith to ask other people what *I* should do, but I guess I want opinions so that I might better investigate my fors and againsts. | | Sunday, May 10th, 2009 | | 10:10 pm |
The Drones gig review. Rather late.
Well, I just accidentally read most of the "Dao Dejing" (or the Tao Te Ching or whatever). I meant to just format it nicely so I could print it, but ended up reading it instead. I think I'll have to read it again and again and again until I have even some idea, but some parts are just so nice. Taoism seems nice. I keep meaning to write lj entries, but I keep putting them off because I want to write them "properly". Some things that I read just then reminded me that this was silly, so I'm just going to write stuff now. Firstly, Corrin, Nic and I (And Kat and Sam, but they left early) went to see the Drones a while ago now. It was, in a way, a little disappointing, although it started off quite promising with some banter: Guy in crowd: MICK JAGGER!!!! Gareth: It's good to say that sometimes ... Gareth: We're going to play some songs. Crowd: Applause/whistling/cheering Gareth: You like songs do you? Oh wow, maybe we should get together sometime. Gareth Liddiard *is* amazing live, you can't deny it. He sings like a ranting, raving lunatic; with all his squeaks and squeals reflected in his body (he did a full three-sixty around the microphone by contorting his body. I can't really explain well...)it's wonderful to watch. I love his voice so much, it's all that whathisface from the vines tried to do. But the problem with him was that it was this tortured, psychotic raging voice with nothing behind it. Gareth Liddiard sings like we do in our bedrooms when no one is listening, but he's a folk-inspired misanthropic prophetic poet, which makes it more interesting Also the guitarist (Whose name I have forgotten) is wonderful. I think that what really makes a guitarist for me is that I want to sing the riffs and licks and solos, but I feel like they should be sung from some mystical non-existent organ just below my lungs and I can never quite get it to fruit into my voice. So, my disappointment is with the rhythm section. I don't know whether it was Fiona's fault or the drummer's fault, but they could not lock together in the way that you need to as a rhythm section. I don't know as if it could be a foldback issue: I don't think foldback is as much of a concern with bass and drums. But whatever it was, it was woeful and almost tore a few songs apart. I remember my clarinet teacher telling me about jazz and how they have instructions like "lay back" on the notation, and "lay *right* back", where everything is played just under the beat. It could have been the aim for The Drones that night, but considering that everything was layed right right back, I doubt it. You could hear the tension between the bass and drums just slowing and slowing and really it's surprising they didn't fall apart like a 12-year-olds' concert band's first performance. Maybe the guitarist was just working really hard to hold it together. The fact that this happened was surprising and all the more disappointing because Havilah is such a well-tuned beast where the band is as tight as anything and that's what MAKES songs like "Minotaur". It could have also been that they seemed fucking exahusted. The guitarist apologised for not singing because he had lost his voice, due to touring just prior in America (I think?). The setlist was odd, with lots of popular Havilah tracks up first (Oh My, Nail It Down, Minotaur from memory) and then just seemed to kind of...blah out a little. It seemed like they didn't mix high and low energy songs very well in the setlist so it just meandered without purpose. It just didn't seem well thought out. "Sixteen Straws" was a good encore though. I guess I am hard on them because I like them so very very much: if I thought they were a mediocre band I would be sated with this performance. But they bloody well aren't. I look forward to seeing them when they aren't so tired, because I'm sure that it will be spectacular. Current Music: Weeping Song - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds | | Saturday, April 18th, 2009 | | 6:53 pm |
in the zone
Paige and I have the same discussions over and over again sometimes. One we particularly enjoy is the "in the zone" discussion, which is about how you can't really get on with stuff (like writing assignments) unless you're in THE ZONE. The zone is this mysterious area of syrupy goodness where your thoughts are clear and quick, where gold flows from your fingertips, where everything is easy when it has been hard for the weeks you've been attempting to work on things. It only generally visits within around 48hrs of a deadline. For me the zone has a definite almost physical feeling: one of being light and heavy at the same time, of being tired but alert. It's the feeling you get after you've been exercising for a while (is it not surprising, in a sense, that my blood pressure was high yesterday during my infusion? I guess I'm kind of stressed about assignments). It's a feeling where you want to drink but not eat, where your tongue feels electric but silent in your mouth. It's the feeling of not speaking for hours and hours, like some devout monk to your science or art. Man, it's one of the best feelings ever in a way. * Corrin had to do a personality test for some thing at uni, and it was the Myers-Brigg (sp?) test. One of the descriptors (I forget for which category) was that the person works best close to deadlines. We were discussing how all the personality types are meant to be equally "good" but it strikes me that us who genuinely do work best close to deadlines are generally seen as being lazy/bad. I don't mind much at all but it's interesting to see how some personality types are seen as being more appropriate and others less appropriate. Theoretically, we need a mix of all types in society to work well. I guess though that there is a difference between genuinely working well close to deadlines and not working well close to deadlines but doing it anyway, and the latter really is just being lazy :P Current Mood: awake | | Friday, April 17th, 2009 | | 5:00 pm |
Boring health stuff...
So today I had my first Infliximab infusion. All seemed to go well apart from the nurses not really knowing what they were doing (endoscopy nurses don't do stuff with pumps very often and it was a new-ish pump. One of the nurses was over 60 and so we had the grandparent-with-vcr effect. Also one of the nurses had to figure out what volume should be given in 15 minutes of a dose rate given in hours and did it the long way [15/60 *rate] rather than dividing it into a quarter). The older nurse also kept trying to give Corrin and me cups of tea. And kept talking to me when I wanted to do philosophy readings. Four hrs where you can't really do anything (I didn't want to knit because the catheter is kind of un-comfy if you move your hand a lot) and just have to sit in a bed is sort of boring. I'm glad I brought Corrin along: it was nice to have someone just to chat to. Being in a hospital alone can be kind of scary, I suppose. Whenever I've had colonoscopies I don't like the waiting in recovery alone part, because it's just so...nothing. I don't know, I'm silly I suppose :P. Anyway, annoyingly getting my next appointment (in two weeks) was difficult because they have to have the gastrenterologist THERE so it has to be one of the days she is doing scoping, but also don't want me there if it's BUSY. The whole thing seems to take around five hours too, so fitting that in with uni is a right pain. Anyway, after this I have to have another in two weeks, then four after that, then every two months. So that should be easier to fit in. Hopefully we will see CHANGE in 24hrs. I'm feeling good which is good but usually I have the worst pain in the morning and evening so we'll see. Also they gave me some steroids to stop me getting immune to it (basically) (and to stop any other allergic reactions) so that could be it too. I'm feeling a little hot and had a nap earlier (unintended: fell asleep while working on lab report) Also two of the nurses told me I was pretty. Hospital has its perks sometimes. Current Mood:  excited |
[ << Previous 20 ]
|
