Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in auntpol's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, November 15th, 2009
10:17 am	"If you want to try you should try like a loser" So, it seems I've sort of finished uni (if I wanted to be finished). Well, honours isn't really like the rest of undergrad study, so it's like I've at least finished a chapter. I also finished Middlemarch. I LOVED it so much. Even though I read it for over six months, I was really gripped by it, and enjoyed all the characters (and even liked a few of them). Apparently a movie about it is coming out next year, which is exciting. But I don't think you can charitably condense 800+ pages into a movie. Anyway, I have picked up Virginia Woolf's "Orlando", but was finding it hard to get into. I realised that this was nothing to do with Orlando, but everything to do with Middlemarch: I'd been so used to reading Middlemarch that I just couldn't change gears to Orlando that quickly. I also was kind of missing reading Middlemarch (even though I was so excited about getting to the end of it). In a way, this is how I feel about finishing my pass degree coursework. I know that I'm glad it's over, and I loved every minute (actually, I'm REALLY glad it's over, I was getting quite over it) but it's difficult to believe that I won't be doing it again next semester. I guess that's what I get for spending 5 years doing my degree(s) - a whole lot of nostalgia. Current Music: No more shall we part - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
9:21 pm	"Control your bad side into battle" Last night Corrin, Kane, Paige and I went to see Gomez at the Fly By Night Musicians Club. It was...breathtaking. Gomez are a band that have a lot of intricate detail in their recorded work. Having seen a pretty dismal interpretation of intricate albums by Augie March earlier this year, I was a little concerned about going to see Gomez. What if they stuffed it up and made it sound all mushy and horrible? I should never have feared. I don't think I have seen a band that tight ...ever, really. They didn't have set lists. They had a holy fuck-ton of gear: heaps of guitars, a hell of a drum kit, 3 or four keyboard synths, a macbook pro and a powerbook, and assorted shakers, maracas, and iPhones (yes, they used iPhone apps as an instrument + the noise the metal casing makes on the microphone. Geeky band love). They were the epitome of a well oiled machine, creating lovely dynamic juxtaposition between almost a cappella singing then all out band rocking. I don't think I had appreciated two things about Gomez until this gig: 1. the drummer has lovely delicate touches. Nice little double and triple kicks that just sneak their way in, lovely balanced fills, just appropriate and gorgeous. 2. Ben Ottewell can PLAY GUITAR seriously dude. His solos just gave an awesome climax to many of the songs, which I didn't precedent. They played a good range of things right through from "Whippin' Piccadilly" (which went OFF) to their new stuff and everything in between (with a strange focus of stuff from "In Our Gun" which has been my least favourite of theirs lately). There were some hilarious moments like Ottwell having fun with the "come back!"s in "Rough Stuff". It was clear from the outset that this was going to be an incredibly tight gig, when they started with "Shot Shot" which was so much crisper than the album version it almost blew everyone's mind. Just lovely crisp starts to the chorus pattern, and crisp finishing and oh my god it was amazing. It's also nice to see how they share vocal duties (which is, very evenly). It's cute how they all have very defined personalities: all Ian Ball's guitars were covered in cutesy stickers (one of which stated "ALL GIRL") and when he was sans guitar he pulled the sleeves of his cardigan over his hands like a scared primary schooler. Tom Gray is the most "indie" with coke-bottle glasses and a bit of a larrikin personality. It's hard to gauge the bassist and drummer, because they just don't ...stand up the front. But the bass player had his eyes closed almost all gig (maybe he was just trying to stay in a tight groove?) and I think the drummer was TOO BUSY BEING AWESOME to give a personality. Overall, I think it's the best gig I've been to all year. And that's kind of saying something, flyingmopsy reckons we've been to about 10 this year. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
5:17 pm	"I'm taking my time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday" I'm such a creature of habit. I've had INCREDIBLE trouble studying lately. More than ever. But I put on the Beatles today (as a result of playing a bit of Beatles Rock Band last night) and suddenly I'm there, in the zone, writing good notes. I blame it on listening to Abbey Road on vinyl when I was studying at a high schooler, because it was one of only 2 records I had and the only time when I got the house to myself. I should really re-condition myself to have more...standard...study habits sometime. It would be useful. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 30th, 2009
8:16 pm	Bought new flaming lips today. Let's see how it goes. They also had Christmas on Mars at JBs. If I screened this, would people watch it? (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 25th, 2009
1:24 pm	"she was born with the diversions in her head" So I'm meant to be writing an essay due tomorrow but it's just not grabbing me at all. In fact it's not even making an attempt at grabbing me, but I think that I will end up just forcing my way through it this afternoon. On Friday we received the really shocking news that our boss at work passed away. Even though the contact I had with the guy was at best described as minimal, he was the kind of person who was a real figure. Also, he always smiled at me even when I was walking in late for work and seemed to genuinely like people. The last time I saw him was when I was on the way in to work (at 10.01 when my shift started at 10) on Tuesday, and he was on the way to get coffee, and he very sincerely said hello and smiled. In fact, his reputation and demeanor just gave the impression of being entirely genuine. I like that kind of person, and there are so few of them around, it seems such a pity to lose one unexpectedly. He was also a guy who had a clue and made some of my dearest friends very happy by being someone who was in management but hadn't become Management, the kind which ignores what should really happen just because of red tape and procedure. If there was a thing to get done, he was a dude who would do it. I feel really sorry for his kids. I didn't cope well (I'm still not coping well...) with losing my father at the age of 20. I guess when you're under 10 it might be easier in some ways, and it might be harder in others. All that I know is that it's bullshit when people say that you'll get over it, and it goes away. It never does. The best way I've seen it described was in the Virginia Woolf novel "To the Lighthouse" where they cut a square piece out of a fish's flesh and release the fish back into the ocean. That's the only way I can describe it to anyone: that you're forever this fish that will swim and live and continue on, but you have this unnaturally geometric part cut out of you. It's not organic like the withering away of an atrophied limb. It's not traumatic in the way which ripping your arm off could be. It's perfectly cold and square, a part of you which you are constantly surprised to remember doesn't exist. I hope that his children can learn to live with who they have to be now, and not become as jaded as I have with ambition and achievement and all the things I used to care about. I hope they don't forget to remember. Even when it hurts way too much. Current Mood: sad (8 Comments |Comment on this)
1:16 pm	"Hey living thing, let me into the world you're living in" A long time ago I meant to write what I thought about the Paul Dempsey solo album, and then about the gig I went to of his (at the Fly By Night a few weeks ago) so I guess I should combine them into one review. ( The high-pitched crooked thoughts which ricochet off the walls ) (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 6th, 2009
11:20 am	"slipped through the hole in the roof" So, in the past two weeks I've seen TWO rubbish bins on fire. Two. Previously I had seen none. There is something really nice about the smell of burning like that (as opposed to the burning of cigarettes or something); it smells all sweet and nice. Also it seemed atmospheric or significant. Maybe there is a secret group burning rubbish bins as a signal to meet or something. Anyway, I have been meaning to eljay about at least two things: the Augie March gig a few weeks ago, and the new Paul Dempsey album. Let's make a start with the Augie Gig. I have been looking forward to going to see Augie March for a long time. I've become really enamored with all of their albums lately, especially the delicate touches and the gentle lyrics. Their albums are atmospheric and gentle and lulling, and in tracks like "Clockwork" this works to serve a nice juxtaposition with something driving and desperate. What came through in their gigs is that they may be competent musicians, but they are very tacitly a band. Whilst every member seemed more than capable (indeed, some were exceptionally talented like the drummer and the keys player) they had a hard time with the more important things which you have to consider when you are on stage. I've never really been in a band which played rock music, and the school bands I was in were a little shit. But I was a chorister in a good choir, and what separates the men from the boys there is a choir which sounds as a whole, and a choir which sounds like a bunch of people singing. Augie March played like a bunch of people playing, not as a band. It was supremely disappointing that they couldn't LISTEN to each other to make one sound. Instead, we got a wall of sound which was mushy with no dynamic in it. Of course, you could try to blame the sound guys at the Fly, but I think this is mistaken: I have been to some exquisitely balanced gigs there. I think what is really going on is that they didn't give them much to work with. Glenn admitted they had had a big night out drinking and I don't think that helped them (though the 1/2 of The Drones there seemed to be unaffected. They're probably just more hardcore :P). Also Glenn really suffers the same problem as Kane (my brother): he needs to sing INTO the mic. He has a delicate voice which he really needs to project in order to make it strong enough to get into the mix at ALL. The poor techs were faced with a very delicate voice with a trumpet and trombone right next to it, which resulted in some feedback squeals as they tried to give him enough level to be heard. Although the band lacked stage presence generally, the drummer tried his darndest to rectify this. Seriously, he was like an incarnation of Paul Hester. He had larrikin humour (at one point joking that Tm Rogers has flares on even when he takes his pants off) and a brush technique freakishly similar to Paul's. I spoke to the keys player after, and he said that he had auditioned for Crowded House. I think he would have been knocked back just because he would have been painfully similar to Paul. On that note, it would be good if Glenn could take a bit of a note out of Neil Finn's book on stage presence. He didn't seem to know how to sing his songs: he just made the notes come out of his mouth, but there was no immersion of himself into it. He didn't seem to be giving his songs to the audience, which is (I feel) the best part of performing and the most important part. Especially given how emotive some Augie songs are, he really needs to think about what he needs to do when he is on stage, what he actually wants to achieve. To me, it is startling a band four albums in could be this...bad...on stage. I guess their albums thrive under the ear of a careful mixer who gives them the magic artistic vision. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 15th, 2009
11:45 am	"Average Angels" So, I went to see Paul Dempsey last night at mojo's. Firstly, the guy supporting was the same guy who supported Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. He's still just as bad. Basically, he's trying to be Bob Dylan. But you could hear anyone of his calibre in any fifteen year old's bedroom (well, any fifteen year old who has a guitar. Actually, even if the fifteen year old doesn't have a guitar and is just wanking, it's probably more musical). Paul is, as usual, AMAZING. His new songs are much quieter than usual Something For Kate Stuff, but still contain the lyrical complexity and ...hrm, emotional depth. I can't remember many lyrics really, but the title of this post was one which stuck. His covers are well re-imagined. And he did play some sfk stuff (dear guy who kept yelling out song titles: he isn't a juke box, you know). "Say Something" went RIGHT OFF. And so did "Impossible". I love how he throws his head back and just lets his voice GO, like it takes possession of his huge frame. It never ceases to amaze me how tall he is as well, his fingers engulf the fretboard of the guitar (as a result he did a ROCKING version of that MGMT song which is really popular playing the riff and accompaniment effortlessly. It was rather amusing and fhe was amused after he finished it as well). He also makes his BG-808 look like a toy. (I would love to see him play a mini-maton, it would be funny as). I suppose what impresses me most about people like him is that when you go to see them play live you gain so much more from their music, because it feels like they are going through the emotions in them with you and giving you that little bit more. It helps that he has sad beautiful eyes which look at you (and actually INTO you which is a little scary to tell the truth, like he is summing you up as a person) and aren't jaded or performing (by performing I mean putting on a performance. You get the feeling he is actually who he is on stage, which is what I really enjoy (and why coldplay left me cold, I guess). Also, when he sings he looks a bit like a possessed muppet (his hair is also crazy). Also, he's humble. He said, at the end of the show "Thanks again for coming, I really mean it, I don't take any of this for granted". I like a performer who knows how to give and take, I guess. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
6:48 pm	Signs it's exam time! - Putting on makeup just for fun while you're in pyjamas - reading trashy magazines in the bathroom with your sister - listening to The Beatles - listening to vinyls - drinking far too much (tea,water,coffee) - drinking cup-a-soup - making odd lunches (e.g. today's was noodles, beetroot, beans and tuna. DELICIOUS and very typical.) What is your list? Current Music: I Want To Tell You - The Beatles (9 Comments |Comment on this)
12:56 pm	The same, but different Now Paige (gloaming_hour) and I live together*, we discover annoying ways in which we are similar and different. Example: We both like studying at the dinner table. But I don't mind ambient noise (I had my headphones on anyway) and she dislikes ambient noise (my breathing/typing/writing). So I've been banished to my bedroom (hers is to small to have a good size desk, so it's only fair that I move). It would be better if we were either more different, or more similar. (also, I think I should take some time off work during study break, because this is the first study I've been able to do so far ...) *It's been pointed out that we have lived together for most of our lives (Basically all of hers - 6 months and all of mine - (6 months + 2.5 years)), but living together away from parents is REALLY different. No one was allowed to study at the dinner table at home home. Current Mood: grumpy Current Music: It's Natural To Be Afraid - Explosions in the Sky (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
7:12 pm	Opinions needed!! So, there's a Paul Dempsey concert on the same night that Corrin flies out to South Africa for 2 weeks. He's flying out at 11.30pm, so I really can't do both things. On one hand, if something bad happens to Corrin in South Africa I will be really annoyed that I didn't get to see him at the last very moment (This is really unlikely I know! just considering!) On the other hand, does it make a difference if I say goodbye a few hours before? I'd really like to see Paul Dempsey, and so would Paige!! I know this is really bad faith to ask other people what *I* should do, but I guess I want opinions so that I might better investigate my fors and againsts. (24 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 10th, 2009
10:10 pm	The Drones gig review. Rather late. Well, I just accidentally read most of the "Dao Dejing" (or the Tao Te Ching or whatever). I meant to just format it nicely so I could print it, but ended up reading it instead. I think I'll have to read it again and again and again until I have even some idea, but some parts are just so nice. Taoism seems nice. I keep meaning to write lj entries, but I keep putting them off because I want to write them "properly". Some things that I read just then reminded me that this was silly, so I'm just going to write stuff now. Firstly, Corrin, Nic and I (And Kat and Sam, but they left early) went to see the Drones a while ago now. It was, in a way, a little disappointing, although it started off quite promising with some banter: Guy in crowd: MICK JAGGER!!!! Gareth: It's good to say that sometimes ... Gareth: We're going to play some songs. Crowd: Applause/whistling/cheering Gareth: You like songs do you? Oh wow, maybe we should get together sometime. Gareth Liddiard *is* amazing live, you can't deny it. He sings like a ranting, raving lunatic; with all his squeaks and squeals reflected in his body (he did a full three-sixty around the microphone by contorting his body. I can't really explain well...)it's wonderful to watch. I love his voice so much, it's all that whathisface from the vines tried to do. But the problem with him was that it was this tortured, psychotic raging voice with nothing behind it. Gareth Liddiard sings like we do in our bedrooms when no one is listening, but he's a folk-inspired misanthropic prophetic poet, which makes it more interesting Also the guitarist (Whose name I have forgotten) is wonderful. I think that what really makes a guitarist for me is that I want to sing the riffs and licks and solos, but I feel like they should be sung from some mystical non-existent organ just below my lungs and I can never quite get it to fruit into my voice. So, my disappointment is with the rhythm section. I don't know whether it was Fiona's fault or the drummer's fault, but they could not lock together in the way that you need to as a rhythm section. I don't know as if it could be a foldback issue: I don't think foldback is as much of a concern with bass and drums. But whatever it was, it was woeful and almost tore a few songs apart. I remember my clarinet teacher telling me about jazz and how they have instructions like "lay back" on the notation, and "lay *right* back", where everything is played just under the beat. It could have been the aim for The Drones that night, but considering that everything was layed right right back, I doubt it. You could hear the tension between the bass and drums just slowing and slowing and really it's surprising they didn't fall apart like a 12-year-olds' concert band's first performance. Maybe the guitarist was just working really hard to hold it together. The fact that this happened was surprising and all the more disappointing because Havilah is such a well-tuned beast where the band is as tight as anything and that's what MAKES songs like "Minotaur". It could have also been that they seemed fucking exahusted. The guitarist apologised for not singing because he had lost his voice, due to touring just prior in America (I think?). The setlist was odd, with lots of popular Havilah tracks up first (Oh My, Nail It Down, Minotaur from memory) and then just seemed to kind of...blah out a little. It seemed like they didn't mix high and low energy songs very well in the setlist so it just meandered without purpose. It just didn't seem well thought out. "Sixteen Straws" was a good encore though. I guess I am hard on them because I like them so very very much: if I thought they were a mediocre band I would be sated with this performance. But they bloody well aren't. I look forward to seeing them when they aren't so tired, because I'm sure that it will be spectacular. Current Music: Weeping Song - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 18th, 2009
6:53 pm	in the zone Paige and I have the same discussions over and over again sometimes. One we particularly enjoy is the "in the zone" discussion, which is about how you can't really get on with stuff (like writing assignments) unless you're in THE ZONE. The zone is this mysterious area of syrupy goodness where your thoughts are clear and quick, where gold flows from your fingertips, where everything is easy when it has been hard for the weeks you've been attempting to work on things. It only generally visits within around 48hrs of a deadline. For me the zone has a definite almost physical feeling: one of being light and heavy at the same time, of being tired but alert. It's the feeling you get after you've been exercising for a while (is it not surprising, in a sense, that my blood pressure was high yesterday during my infusion? I guess I'm kind of stressed about assignments). It's a feeling where you want to drink but not eat, where your tongue feels electric but silent in your mouth. It's the feeling of not speaking for hours and hours, like some devout monk to your science or art. Man, it's one of the best feelings ever in a way. * Corrin had to do a personality test for some thing at uni, and it was the Myers-Brigg (sp?) test. One of the descriptors (I forget for which category) was that the person works best close to deadlines. We were discussing how all the personality types are meant to be equally "good" but it strikes me that us who genuinely do work best close to deadlines are generally seen as being lazy/bad. I don't mind much at all but it's interesting to see how some personality types are seen as being more appropriate and others less appropriate. Theoretically, we need a mix of all types in society to work well. I guess though that there is a difference between genuinely working well close to deadlines and not working well close to deadlines but doing it anyway, and the latter really is just being lazy :P Current Mood: awake (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 17th, 2009
5:00 pm	Boring health stuff... So today I had my first Infliximab infusion. All seemed to go well apart from the nurses not really knowing what they were doing (endoscopy nurses don't do stuff with pumps very often and it was a new-ish pump. One of the nurses was over 60 and so we had the grandparent-with-vcr effect. Also one of the nurses had to figure out what volume should be given in 15 minutes of a dose rate given in hours and did it the long way [15/60 *rate] rather than dividing it into a quarter). The older nurse also kept trying to give Corrin and me cups of tea. And kept talking to me when I wanted to do philosophy readings. Four hrs where you can't really do anything (I didn't want to knit because the catheter is kind of un-comfy if you move your hand a lot) and just have to sit in a bed is sort of boring. I'm glad I brought Corrin along: it was nice to have someone just to chat to. Being in a hospital alone can be kind of scary, I suppose. Whenever I've had colonoscopies I don't like the waiting in recovery alone part, because it's just so...nothing. I don't know, I'm silly I suppose :P. Anyway, annoyingly getting my next appointment (in two weeks) was difficult because they have to have the gastrenterologist THERE so it has to be one of the days she is doing scoping, but also don't want me there if it's BUSY. The whole thing seems to take around five hours too, so fitting that in with uni is a right pain. Anyway, after this I have to have another in two weeks, then four after that, then every two months. So that should be easier to fit in. Hopefully we will see CHANGE in 24hrs. I'm feeling good which is good but usually I have the worst pain in the morning and evening so we'll see. Also they gave me some steroids to stop me getting immune to it (basically) (and to stop any other allergic reactions) so that could be it too. I'm feeling a little hot and had a nap earlier (unintended: fell asleep while working on lab report) Also two of the nurses told me I was pretty. Hospital has its perks sometimes. Current Mood: excited (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 13th, 2009
10:44 pm	"I'll sell you a secret for a song" I feel restless tonight, and I really shouldn't (I don't have TIME). I have to write a lab report about data which doesn't make sense and an essay about Buddhism which I don't feel ...drawn into (and I have to do the reading for anyway). I think that restlessness often is how I feel. I oscillate between being deeply content and incredibly restless. Or both at the same time. Sometimes when I listen to music I imagine myself in the theoretical film clip as the singer. And these songs are always about being defiantly something: about rising against something, or about getting through something difficult just by wit or courage (but mostly by wit). Paige and I often talk about how some kind of defiance is part of our personality: we thrive on it, just defying how things should be, this kind of mischief that it implies, that we take our lives not seriously enough to have a little fun with it I guess. But also we must care in order to defy in order to do things of value. (I don't think that this is making SENSE at this point). But I think that a huge issue with this is that it makes me ENGINEER situations so I can defy them. Obviously, I didn't sabotage my craptacular data which doesn't make sense for physiol. But maybe my chronic lazyness is just so I can DEFY and do the superhuman and get it done in time and get a decent mark, so I don't have to aim for doing truly good work over a long time. (Honours will no doubt teach me this, and I can actually manage my time when I make myself so I won't fail I'm sure) Just a thought. Current Mood: thoughtful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 12th, 2009
12:46 pm	Last night I watched Milk with almightybean, ezri_85 and flyingmospy. It was a very enjoyable biopic, though rather sad. However, there is a problem with biopics in that they are based in fact but still actually stories, and there is thus a danger in assuming you know about the life of x because you've seen the biopic, when really, the life of x could differ quite significantly. In terms of the life of Harvey Milk (which I looked up in wikipedia after seeing the movie) vs. the biopic Milk I think the main significant silences in the text were that he served in Korea, was trained as a schoolteacher and worked at what seems to be a fairly prestigious company before moving to San Fransisco. I felt that the Harvey Milk portrayed in the film was a great deal more along the lines of being a gay hippy forced to work 9-5 who then broke free rather than being someone with a more complex past which implied greater...worldliness I guess. In the film Milk wasn't portrayed as being all that worldy, just kind of naturally witty. Also, him being a schoolteacher makes the part of the film where they want to ban gay teachers and he goes against it more kind of...important. I don't know WHY they didn't mention he was a teacher at one stage. The other problem with biopics is that it's easy to say "oh that was a nice movie" when it's not entirely appropriate. My first response was "that was a good movie". And I said it. And then I thought (later) "oh dear, is it okay to say that? I mean this movie deals with really big issues which still effect people today, is it appropriate to reduce this to "that was a nice movie"?". I'm probably being paranoid here but still, it's an interesting question to ask if "issues films" make the issue trivialised (like *in* the movie where Milk said "this isn't my issue, it's my life" or something like that. Hrm, how meta.) One thing I really liked about the character of Harvey Milk was that he was a guy who was just calm and used his common sense and wit to answer politic-y questions with humour and stuff. That was really nice. In other news, I went to my first Swancon on Friday and had fun: well worth the $20 to try it out. One day when I am not a student (For two reasons: then my easter won't be eaten by assignments, and I will have money) I would like to go for the full program. It also made me feel dumb because I'm not very well read GENERALLY and probably even less well read in SFF (funnily). This is due to non-reading mentioned in my previous lj post (which I am rectifying! honestly!) But yes, the panels we went to were all interesting and the trailers we saw got me SO EXCITED about a few movies coming up (where the wild things are <3 <3 <3). Even though almightybean will testify I was distracted by my intestines a lot during the day, I still had a great time and felt INSPIRED. To do what, I am not sure. I can't wait for my new drugs on friday. I think my intestines know that they are coming and are REVOLTING as a result because I have had, honestly, the worst consistent pain in the last five days that I have ever had. I am not whinging, honestly. But it's really irritating when breathing deeply makes your diaphragm push on your tummy and hurt things, and bending is painful. Walking is painful. I had a dream where there were like wormy scorpions under my skin and almightybean says he gets this when he has stomach problems. Well, similar, obviously not the same dream. That would be WEIRD. My lab results for this section don't make SENSE and it's frustrating me so much. I'm really hoping that I can figure it out because I really want to be a good scientist. This is silly. Being a good scientist isn't a sticker you get like at primary school. But sometimes I wish it were. Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: Into My Arms - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 6th, 2009
8:24 pm	"it's the place where they keep all the darkness that you need" I've actually been somewhat productive tonight (in a change from recent tradition) and so I'm feeling good and optimistic and clean. I've realised partially that the reason I am so busy is that I really do a reasonable amount of stuff in my life and try to be good at most of it. I guess you could say I have an abundance of caringness about most things I do. I get annoyed at my mother, yet I have time to talk with her and have time to find the things which we agree about and enjoy myself. I dislike going to work (not because it's bad but just because it's not really that interesting I guess? Sometimes I learn things though and that's fun, and I like helping people) but I find some place in me to get excited about new things, annoyed about others and generally get into it. It seems that I suffer from not being able to do things half arsed. Well, that's not true. I do a lot of things half arsed, but I can't admit to myself from the outset that I'm going to do them half arsed. I was talking to almightybean about how I should stop wasting time and he pointed out that if I micromanage ALL my time if one little thing goes wrong it will disintegrate and I will die of stress. I suppose the point of my little interior monologue here is that I haven't got immersed in uni this semester so much that my feeling towards it isn't "I don't want to fail" so much as "I like this a lot". Though doing more for it is getting me there, I guess the thing is I have to spend time at home and at work and with family but I don't *have* to spend time getting immersed in uni stuff. I find most things interesting. Anyway, there are some great things going on in my life (though trivial). I'm reading again, and not just crap. I'm on my third book this semester. You have no idea what this means to me: as happens to many "readers" when they get to uni, I pretty much stopped reading when I started uni. I also read a book in like, 3 days. This is incredible for me. It was a short book but I DON'T CARE, I'm fucking proud. Also now I'm reading "Middlemarch". I got it from Borders on a whim and started it and though "oh shit, this is dense and I'm not going to be able to do it" but then I thought "holy crap Amber you've read Ulysses, just power through" so I am and I've read 70 pages and it's blooming nicely. I also watched two movies on the weekend. Twelve Monkeys was good but strangely not as good as I thought it would be (maybe I've been spoilt by very atmospheric films lately), and Chicken Little (shut up, John brought it over) was REALLY good and I enjoyed every minute. Watching movies is something I should do more of. I'm enjoying screenings as a means of doing this: it's also nice to take a day out of the week and just say fuck it, let's watch a movie, or star trek. So yeah, up and down I guess in my life. I feel like I don't touch base with myself enough these days, I'm so busy running around to make sure all the other bases are just THERE. Sometimes islands of quiet appear when I can just see people I love, like seeing Danica today (with paint in her hair, that crazy girl), seeing old friends like Meghan, seeing Chris on the bus, talking to interesting new people like Liam...just small things, small gifts of comfort from the ocean of crazy which I constantly engineer myself into. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
10:12 am	Fitter, Happier, More Productive... Well, I am procrastinating against doing a very boring lab report due tomorrow (It's boring because I understand it and I just have to write it, and also because it relies on using other people's data and for the love of god people just don't know how to write things out SENSIBLY! so I have to re-write it all in a way that makes SENSE before analysing it.) Anyhow, I was thinking that I should write a bit about my frugality and environmental responsibility resolutions and how they are going. I made a semi-conscious decision to try to be a. more frugal and b. more environmentally responsible this year. I decided that it's annoying how much wastage we produce just because we're lazy and stuff and that I would find it personally rewarding* to resolve to produce less waste. And it's going pretty well! I've been catching the bus to uni most days: only driving when I need my car at uni to get home because I will be home later than I want to catch a bus/can catch a bus. Bus time has become central to my happiness: this semester I have finished a shawl, read a book, done (*gasp*) some uni readings and knit half an elephant on the bus. Not to mention I've listened to more music (both in terms of volume of music and variety: if I'm listening in the car I tend to listen to things I know and can sing along to. Also I don't like to listen to stuff I don't know well in my car because of sound quality degredation due to shitty car speakers and road noise). It's also interesting that I don't lose a lot of time by catching the bus, really. Driving in peak traffic takes almost as long as the bus and it's frustrating and annoying. I am thinking that perhaps I won't enjoy the bus rides as much once it gets more wintery (I don't really like small umbrellas and carrying a big umbrella is a pain) but on friday I got rained on twice whilst walking in between buses and I didn't mind so much. I guess it was also a bit hotter on friday so the rain dried fairly quickly. But in any case, I could just learn to "man up" and deal with getting a bit wet or carrying an umbrella. It's not so bad really. Traveling on the bus has made me aware of one thing in particular: I somewhat use my car as a cupboard (thanks ezri_85 for this expression) when I take it places. I am made aware of this when I take the bus, as I have to try and fit all the stuff I need for a day in my backpack. This has lead to two conclusions a. I take much more stuff with me than I actually need or want and b. my lunch takes up more space as a % of my backpack than I thought it would. Due to frugality resolutions, I am not going to give up taking my lunch. So point a needs to be addressed. This is fairly useful in a sense, actually, as it's making me more decisive (e.g. "I will do my readings on the bus today" vs. "I will take knitting, my DS, readings and a book in case I want to do *any* of them on the bus today"). It's also good to get rid of distractions if I want to do reading for uni, or simply for concentrating my efforts on one area (even if that area is getting through more of a game :P). I'm possibly considering rostering what activity I want to do on the bus, but that seems a little silly as these things fall out somewhat naturally (e.g. after a day of labs I'm unlikely to want to read on the way home, but likely to want to knit). I thought about getting a bigger backpack to combat the problem but it's more beneficial and cheaper to change myself anyway. I am ridiculously pleased at myself for continuing to bring a packed lunch almost every day, and when I have not brought one I've bought something nice, rather than just sufficient (which basically means I've been going further afield than the guild: nicer food for the same price or maybe just a touch more). However, the next target as a result of my frugality resolution will be snacks, which are more expensive than they should be and way too tempting. I'm still going to allow myself Rocket Fuel coffee twice a week (it's just criminally delicious) though. Another point is that since taking my lunch more I've thought about how much waste goes into buying fast food. I take sandwiches in an appropriately sized box, so I don't use much glad wrap or anything. But seriously, how many plastic containers do we use when we get lunch out? Thus, part of my environmental resolve is to buy takeaway lunches (When I do) which have minimal non-biodegradable stuff which wraps them. Another small thing I have been doing is trying to open the fridge less. When I was researching which fridge I wanted to buy, I read that opening and closing your fridge a lot uses more energy (and puts more strain on the fridge) than opening it for a slightly longer time. Whilst I'm not sure if that's true, I think that getting more than one thing out while it is open results in a net decrease in open time when compared to opening it several times. I'm sorry this is probably a boring entry for anyone else but me, and some of it is largely silly but I felt like being self-congratulatory this morning (when I started writing this entry :P) *yes, my resolutions sound altruistic but really they're just self-centred. Current Mood: busy Current Music: Brainville - The Flaming Lips (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
8:30 pm	I should be working on my lab report but I have a really large headache and feel like lj-ing a little about trivial things. Firstly, Zoe talking about body hair and women a lot recently makes me think that I should repost this. It was linked by the community I am in which is for hairy armpits. (yes, some of you may have noticed I haven't shaved in like...years? I can't even REMEMBER how long). Apparently some people *don't* notice which sort of surprises me. I'm pretty comfortable with myself and stuff so if people ever want to talk to me about it (I don't know, it's pretty unimportant to me in the sense that I don't do it for protest as such but more just because I like me best this way) you can. Anyway, I think that it's hilarious how het up the people from that website get about stubble and I think the last picture is very pretty really. Secondly I bought Havilah by the Drones after hearing some stuff when I went to Nic's to watch them guest program rage. It's a very satisfying album, and totally filled a niche in my music wants. I also got "The Secret Migration" by Mercury Rev which is like ...hrm, a depressing version of Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - space and - some awesome (But still very awesome). I'm enjoying my bus time because I can actually listen to new music rather than just getting sucked into playing things I sing along to. I thought I had more to say. I guess I should just lj more. I'm provisionally pleased with how UniSFA committee is going. There are a million things (it seems) to sort out though and I seem to just want to vege when I'm not in class/at work so that's an issue I need to work on. Poke me if you think I'm being a shit president. Current Mood: tired (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
11:38 am	More for my own reference There are so many material things that I want. I don't know how hard it is to get things from amazon to here (esp with the lack of dollar we have) but this is the first set of sock patterns in a while to inspire me. I need new shoes, which fit the following criteria: 1. Have to be closed in for labs 2. have to be leather-ish (so that if a scalpel drops on my foot it will likely bounce not cut) 3. Have to look good with socks 4. Flat. I like these a lot, but not like $300 a lot (but you can't get them in perth and I don't like ordering shoes on the internet. Black is also good. (and boots are nice but less relevant for socks. If anyone has seen shoes like these 1.irl and 2. not $300 let me know? I really like the first ones I linked to. The screening of Q episodes of star trek in unisfa last night was good but the people who turned up could have just as easily been hangin' at my house. So, more people should come to screenings, alright? Hopefully we'll get a pedestal fan in unisfa soon so we get better ventilation. (5 Comments |Comment on this)